Dealing With Anxious People
Your amygdalae is stressing out my amygdalae!
You may have heard of the “fight or flight response” - a biological event where the amygdalae shoots out signals to either run for your life or fight the scary stimulus. That same part of the brain is also useful in reading facial expressions. This makes a lot of sense when you think about it – reading facial expressions is important in figuring out whether you’re dealing with a scary stranger.
For those of us who don’t habitually use Botox, we are wired to show emotion through facial expressions. We don’t think about it, it simply happens. Facial expressions automatically change based on our emotional states and we make all kinds of faces!
Research shows that we can show the emotions of happiness, sadness, surprise, disgust, fear, and anger. Also, these emotions carry over regardless of gender, age, language, culture, education or race. We can pick up these sentiments within milliseconds without even thinking about it – maybe this is what we are seeing when we follow our gut.
People experiencing the fight or flight experience are going to feel more sensitive to what’s going on around them, and not be able to process what you are trying to communicate. The experience may be so overwhelming that it can trigger a level of anxiety that will turn into a panic attack or even violence.
Remember, there is a piece of this person’s brain that is pretty sure that he/she is going to die. So, if you want to be the hero, keep it simple and keep your cool. It’s very easy to get sucked in and go for a ride on the crazy train because fear is infectious.
Now…what do you do with this person? First, remind yourself that it isn’t your fault. Then, don’t let their anxiety rub off on you. We are wired to follow what others are doing when there are signs of danger. Responding to signs of danger keeps us safer than responding to the actual source of danger.
When you know for a fact that you are safe, and you’re dealing with someone else’s anxiety, you need to make an extra effort not to get sucked into their anxiety. Finally, as my mentor used to say, “once the train gets moving, nothing you say or do can stop it. Politely wait until it ends.” This helps a lot with unreasonably anxious people and temper tantrums.
Once the panic attack passes, the tantrum quiets down, or the aggression loses its steam, reassure the person. Be calm and say that their experience of feeling nervous is normal. Make sure you keep a calm and confident demeanor throughout your interactions. The anxious person’s reaction was likely embarrassing and a little help in saving face is appreciated. Then, move forward with the original plan as though nothing happened. Nobody likes to be lectured; being reminded of embarrassing behavior only paints you as a jerk.
Everyone has a bad day, and even the best of us loses our shit once in a while. Now that you know what to do once your amygdalae spots something fishy, hopefully you’ll be more successful in managing unplanned drama.